March/April 2010
Within the Family
How To Survive a College Shopping Trip
It’s Presidents Week as I write this, and since many high schools are on vacation, this affords an opportunity for students and their parents to go college shopping. A year ago, my wife, daughter and I mapped out a five-day trip that had us visiting eight schools from western Massachusetts to Boston and then down through Connecticut before we headed home. Snow forced us to drop one visit, but we still managed to hit seven of our targets. Hectic as that sounds, a year later we look back on the week as a fun vacation, so we must have done something right.
We didn’t have college shopping trips when I was growing up. I went to a conference of high school newspaper editors at Columbia when I was a junior, fell in love with the campus and the idea of going to college in the city, and that was that. But times have changed, so here are a few words of advice for parents who may be contemplating college visits in the near future:
After touring the University of Vermont, Deborah Sachare and her dad visited the Ben & Jerry’s flagship store in Burlington. Photo: Lori SachareStay in an Embassy Suites-type hotel. Your teenager needs his/her space, and being able to shut the bedroom door is nice. So is the free breakfast. Look for a hotel that is centrally located, within a reasonable drive from several schools so you don’t have to move every night, and one that offers free parking. And if you find one with an indoor pool and hot tub, so much the better.
Pack light. You are going to be on the move, and you don’t want to be constantly nagging your teenager over packing. If you can teach him/her to live out of a suitcase for a week, you’ll be teaching a valuable lesson.
Wear comfortable shoes. Every school offers a campus tour led by a cheerful undergrad, and that walking can add up. As you might suspect, the student tour leader can go a long way in shaping your impression of the school. If he/she sincerely likes the place, has taken advantage of the opportunities it affords and would make the same decision if he/she had it to do over again, you’ll feel a lot better about the school than if you get a tour leader who is just going through the motions.
Bring a notebook, and use it. Make that two notebooks, one for the teenager and one for Mom/Dad. If you don’t, you’ll be amazed how easily colleges can blend into one another — was it BU or Northeastern that had the great internship plan, and which school was it that had the nice dorms?
Take information sessions with a grain of salt. Every schools offers one, usually led by an admissions officer, often accompanied by a campus video. For all the time, effort and money schools spend on these, they tend to be remarkably similar. A friend of ours went so far as to eliminate information sessions from his family’s visits. On the other hand, some sessions incorporate current students or faculty into the presentation, and these can stand out.
Go while classes are in session. A campus devoid of students does not give you an accurate representation of the school.
Linger on campus. Grab lunch or a snack in the student center and sit for awhile, observing the students and what they’re up to. You’ll get a feel for the place you won’t get on the formal, programmed part of your visit.
Remember that this shopping trip is only one component of the process, and an early one at that. Think of it as a first round of interviews. After your teenager narrows his/her choice — region; city, suburban or rural; large, medium or small; private or state; rah-rah or laid-back — you will have a second, more manageable list. All schools have special follow-up visiting days for prospects, when students can sit in on classes and special sessions are run for parents, and these will give you a much better feel for the school than the initial whirlwind visit.
A wise woman at Smith College said on one such VIP day, “The college selection process is not about the sticker in the rear window of your car.” In other words, don’t limit yourself to the “name” schools. Be open to schools you may not have heard much about, but may be better for your teenager than the prestigious schools.
That same woman also said, “Keep in mind that this is your child’s college, not yours.” In other words, it ultimately must be his/her decision.
Most importantly, don’t stress out on these trips. Have fun. Remember that there are hundreds of fine schools out there, and any number of them would be a great fit for your teenager. Our daughter was fortunate enough to be accepted at her first choice on early decision, but on our trips we discovered several other schools at which I know she would have been happy, too.
